So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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