I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Michael Bay diarrhea
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
