It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
