Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
