I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Your cock deserves a montage
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
