The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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