Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
