so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
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There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
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I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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