I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
