Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
