Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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