I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
