Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize