this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
