Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
