I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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