i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
