Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
