I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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