Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
