Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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