Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
