So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
