He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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