Don't make out with my wife yet
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
