Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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