I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
