mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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