just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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