i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
