You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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