Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
