Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I did not marry a roomba.
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