We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
