so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
