Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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