I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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