She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
