Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
