i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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