So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
