party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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