I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
