i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
