I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
