i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
