He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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