I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
