someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
