I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
