All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
