I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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