Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
