Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
