Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
