question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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