come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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