I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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